It all started 9 years back when I was 16 (Form 4). I was in a full science class. I couldn’t cope with my studies and I failed most of my exams. Things got worse when I entered Form 5. Symptoms of depression started showing up. I started to have less attendance to school, feeling sad and down and I even started to withdraw myself from social life. My parents realized something was wrong so they brought me to a private psychiatrist. Since then, I was diagnosed with depression. The doctor prescribed me with some medications and I was given counselling too. At that point of life, I couldn’t accept the fact that I have a mental illness. I felt shame about it because I knew nothing about it and at the same time I am scared of the stigma (of people).

So my first suicide attempt was one day before my SPM exam. I felt really hopeless at that moment because I knew i won’t succeed in my result. It was nearly midnight, After that I called a close friend of mine and told her what had happened. Then she immediately informed my mum and they rushed me to the hospital where I was admitted.

Since then, I started receiving treatment at a government hospital. But the truth is, the recovery journey is not as smooth as what you would think. I had relapses a few more times, trial and error of medications, in and out of a psychiatric ward and regular doctor appointments at the hospital.

What is really important is, don’t give up. I know staying strong is really hard as i have gone through it myself but you have no other choice. Staying strong is the only choice you have. Having lived with depression for so many years, if you asked me how I am doing now, I will not say i have recovered but instead, I slowly started to move forward. What doesn’t kill you will make you stronger.

In this era, mental illness is getting more and more common. To everyone: Please be aware if people around you are suffering. Offer them ways to seek help and accompany them in this journey so that they don’t feel lonely. You don’t need to be a professional to help them, sometimes just a pair of listening ears will do. To those who are suffering: Do reach out and get help. There are still people who care about you.

Lastly, I want to share a quote by John Lennon to all of you. “Everything will be okay in the end. If it is not okay, it is not the end.” I hope my sharing can raise mental health awareness to everyone and to support people that are in this journey too. Life is precious and you are not alone!

With love, Priscilla