I’m the child that dreads theme parks. I have a secret anxiety booster button installed in me for rollercoaster rides, or anything that makes me feel like I don’t have anything in control. What about those ‘fun’ rides that gives you a death drop from XX ft above ground? Right now, I don’t feel nauseous picturing it because this lockdown has made me feel like I have been stuck to a rollercoaster seat that has not stopped. This is not because the COVID19 lockdown has been going at a quick pace, but it’s a ride that I did not sign up for!

How do I cope on rollercoaster rides?  I cry really loud and just like this pandemic, I have done a lot of emotional release within my four walls. As much as I have expelled emotions, I have also done hours of mental exercise, yoga, therapy and meditation. I have been running a reflection marathon in my own mind, digging up patterns of my past, soothing my inner child that was neglected, identifying behaviours that I need to keep & dump, and recreating a mindset that I want to keep moving forward.

My performance anxiety has constantly belted me for going 20km/hr during this pandemic but I need to remind myself that my identity is not tied down to my career and my labels, it is reflected in the values and beliefs that I uphold and constantly practice. I’m not a polished vase, I have scratches and cracks in my handles and exterior but if I have the chance of seeing light, I want to reflect it onto others too. I need to remind myself each day that it’s okay not to finish the 27 things on my To-Do-List each day and I can take some time off to watch the. clouds come together and then apart.  It has become an opportunity to find what works for me, to calm my mental chatters and I know jogging is not it, but yoga and some old school rom-coms does the magic!

I am very grateful for the friends that I have in my life for showing me great compassion. Despite only having virtual conversations, I have been able to cry, laugh, dance and have insightful chats with my friends through screens.

This pandemic has shaken up communities on a global scale! How many mornings have you woken up to headlines that send throbbing palpitations through your mind? If you need some time off, give yourself that love and embrace to switch off from the influx of news. It’s okay to take care of you from time to time.